Chelsea capitulate as ‘most important summer signing’ humiliated at Brentford

“I hope that one day you say it was a boring game and we won,” Xabi Alonso said after Chelsea’s 2-2 draw with Hull City. He got one half of his wish. Chelsea were boring in defeat to Brentford.

“If you are soft or if you are not prepared, you will get punished,” he added, adequately summarising a start to the season which had seen the Blues concede at least two goals in every game and face more shots on target against (26) than any other Premier League club.

On the flip side, they have also been free-flowing and beautiful to watch in attack, scoring more goals (10) than anyone but Brighton (13), with the front three of Morgan Rogers, Joao Pedro and Cole Palmer the envy of the league.

The early signs were promising. Chelsea were abnormally solid in the first half here. It might just have been Wesley Fofana’s best ever showing for the club as he stood up to a not insignificant test from Kevin Shade, matching the Brentford star for speed and snuffing him out whenever he got into decent positions. Maxence Lacroix was enjoying the battle with Igor Thiago.

The most-hated midfield pairing of Jordan Henderson – on his return to Brentford after his last day Liverpool nonsense – and Jude Bellingham agitator Valentin Barco were compact out of possession and tidy on it.

The problem was in attack. Pedro Neto had a shot comfortably saved and Morgan Rogers had a decent effort blocked, but Chelsea were nowhere near as threatening as they’ve been in the games to date this season, even with Cole Palmer floating about impressively.

Brentford broke the deadlock on the hour mark with one of their four corners in the game, when the hugely impressive Jannik Schuster rose highest at the back post to nod the ball back cross goal for Jayden Anthony to head in. It wasn’t great defending but it was also an excellent delivery, featuring a towering jump; a perfectly worked set piece.

Which brings us to Chelsea’s 12 corners, the last of which – curled straight over the bar by substitute Estevao – summed up the threat they presented to Brentford’s goal.

The camera panned to a performatively furious Austin MacPhee as he slumped back down on his seat after the first terrible set piece, and after the sixth or seventh short corner we were begging the Sky Sports producers to flip back to Chelsea’s new set piece coach to gauge his reaction.

Because unless the players were completely disregarding his supposedly sage advice as to what to do from a corner, these aimless, telegraphed routines were what he had planned.

The Telegraph weren’t alone in describing the man they poached from Aston Villa – perhaps with tongues ever-so-slightly in cheeks – as Chelsea’s ‘most important summer signing’.

And if we’re to treat set piece coaches like players, as that headline, his release clause being triggered and his ostentatious touchline antics would suggest he desires, we should now be describing him as a big fat flop. What a humiliating performance.

Chelsea capitulated when chasing an equaliser, with Igor Thiago scoring from a rebound after a Schade breakaway and Fabio Carvalho tapping in at the back post.

But the game was very even for an hour and even games in the Premier League are so often decided by set pieces. Chelsea had three times as many corners as Brentford and didn’t look close to scoring from any of them; they’ve now conceded from more set pieces (6) than any team in the Premier League.

That’s on the players but also definitely on MacPhee. The lack of threat and variety from the attacking corners after it became very, very clear that Plan A wasn’t working was laughable.

There’s plenty for Alonso to be working on at Chelsea. Marrying defence and attack into one performance has escaped him thus far. He’s had four games of attack and half a game of defence. It’s not good enough.

But he could really do with some support from a supposed guru in his field in MacPhee. Because at the moment Chelsea are the worst set piece team in the Premier League.